The Daily Habit: Money

Not a brothel, no prostitutes 11:59 pm

8 Ways to Blow Your Plastic Wad – AMERICA –  If you’re like every other lazy bastard in America, you want to work at a place where you can earn the most amount of money doing the least amount of anything.  Yeah, sounds great, but it ain’t happening that way, unless your indulging in criminal activity.  In all reality you’re a hard-working slob who earns his money chunk by chunk, week after week, then you spend it foolishly within few minutes of the paycheck being direct deposited with just one swipe.  Some times it’s you debit super deluxe pizza maker with a built in kegerator and lounge chair, until your mom says you can’t make pizza or drink beer in your basement bedroom.  Other times it’s a replica suit of armor and VW bus-sized catapult charged at the county Renaissance Fair, then your wench laughes her head off when you pull into the driveway and says to “taketh it back or no pillaging for a fortnight” or two.  However, if you are the type who doesn’t think it’s any of your mother’s business what the hell you do with your mar card, or your nagging wife’s for that matter, then here is a list of 8  ways to blow your plastic wad like there’s no tomorrow, but oh, there will be.

1. Internet-  internet porn, internet shopping, internet PORN and SHOPPING.

2.  Big-ticket items-  Yes, a life-sized Millenium Falcon is a big-ticket item, but that lazer tracked photo ray will come in handy when your boss fires you for stealing lunches from the break room fridge.

3.  Deposit required-  Anything that requires a deposit is a for sure thing, though 2500 hundred credit card payments for that Ferarri might cut into the beer fund.

4.  Restaurants-  Hot wings and beer served by sluts in tight shirts at Hooters.  Enough said.

5.  Buy now, pay later-  No payments until 2012, unless you’re in a brothel in Vegas where happy endings are paid in full and up front, just by entering a pin.

6.  Recurring payments-  Isn’t great that mom is still paying for Hustler and Juggs magazine, ever since you secretlly put them on her Visa way back in college?

7.  Travel-  In just one click you can get Irie in Jamaica with a room full of Rastas for as long as Jah likes as long as Jah bank doesn’t find out.

8.  Gas station/licquor store/kwiki mart-  Where else can you get gas, three cases of beer, a bottles of Boone’s, two packs of tops, some chips, gum, a Hotrod magazine, 106 lottery tickes and some chapstick on the bank’s dime? (

As smart as men think they are, sometimes reaching into a man-purse is like a multiple choice test in a 10th grade match class:  How much is this life-sized portrait of Motley Crue going to cost when it’s spread out into 106 monthly payments?  While credit cards may actually be a convenient way of paying for a bunch of junk you don’t need, and can’t afford,  you really should’t have access to one iaf you have a problem with spending money that’s not yours.  And, since a debit card is a direct line to your bank account, there are places where it can be wise to avoid handing it over – like whorehouses, gas stations and rock concerts.  But, it’s a pretty good chance that you don’t have more than $100 bucks in your checking account so spend the bank’s money freely till they cut you off completely.


~ by the115 on 03/21/2010.

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