The Daily Habit: Politics

11:59 pm

Strike Three.  You’re Out of Your Mind Hugo – VALENCIA, VENEZUELA –  Ah,  there’s nothing like a good rivalry amongst world leaders on the lunatic fringe.  It’s pretty much the same kind of scene when you mix a bunch of frat boys, Tri Sigs and a keg of cheap beer…. sooner or later a few tough guys are going start a brawl.  Put Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Benny Netanyahu together in the same room it’s the Muslims vs the Judists followed by an exchange of small rocket fire and some bitching.  Or, it’s even better when Wen Jiabao and the Lama get together to discuss Buddhism and the release of Tibet from Communist control.  That usually results in the Chinese Army blowing up every temple in Laso.  But what happens when Hugo Chavez goes to a Venezuelan baseball game to root for his favorite team?  He doesn’t. 

Nothing gets Venezuelans more irate than the rivalry between the country’s two largest baseball teams, the Magallanes Navigators and Caracas Lions.  But this season’s championship series were a biat more exciting that year’s past.  This year fans boldly displayed banners bearing the slogan “One, two, three you’re out fat man!”  and “take me out to the ballpark so we can shoot Hugo Chávez,”  His most glorious dictator and all around mad man, a huge Magallanes fan, wasn’t at the games due to the fear of getting shot in the back, but he was certainly watching from his mountain hideout.  During the 7th inning stretch he tortured a few poor farmers and had some of his political rivalries shot by a firing squad.

Due to an overwhelming hatred made public by the Venezuelan people,  Chávez no longer attends ball games. According to the former head of the pro leagues, who wishes to remain anonymous, said, “When I was president of the league, I always as a courtesy invited him to make the first pitch of the season because I was afraid he would have me hung by my testicles if I didn’t make the offer.   He always excused himself but never gave a legitimate reason. He’s done it for those lousy bums the Mets. But here? Never.”  He also adds, “Since he’s been President, he has never dared to go to a public baseball stadium. Why? Because he is afraid that fans will stampede his private box like it was ‘bat day’ at Yankee stadium.  Not much you can do when 50,000 pissed off fans with baseball bats storm your luxury suite in search of oil reparations.”  (,8599,1960538,00.html?xid=yahoo-feat)

Despite the fear of being thrown into prison for life, Chávez’s team, Magallanes, lost the series 3-4, even though it was ahead going into the final games.  No matter though.  Hugo has something shady in the works.  That something includes a new electoral law that will benefit Chávez’s conglomerate United Socialist Parties of Venezuela in the September vote and will keep him in office forever.  Ditto for players on both teams.  Chavez had the losers castrated for losing the big game, and he had the winners sentenced to 20 years hard laboar for winning.  One, two three strikes your out Hugo, of your mind that is.


~ by the115 on 02/17/2010.

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