The Daily Habit: Politics

Go to fullsize imageGo to fullsize image 11:59 pm

Hello Fire Department?  Come Quick.  There’s a Bagel Burning Down City Hall – PORTLAND, OREGON –  Have you ever read any whacky stories in the news about some minor incident that turned into a huge catastrophe?  Come on, stuff like this happens all of the time and news like this has the name of a  pimple-faced kid straight out of journalism written all over it.  Like that time those wannabe tv reality show folks called the cops because they said their kid was carried off in a cheesy home made balloon, but the little goof was really hiding out in the chicken coop until the media sniffed him out.  Similar thing happened when that fat guy from West Virginia pranced around in front of the cameras after allegedly winning the Boston Marathon, that is until they found out he was gorging himself on a bucket of wings in a bar up the street then waltzed out the door and through the finish line with wing juice all over his fat face.  Well, this one’s way better than that, only it involves a flaming pastry, some tasty dank, and the evacuation of a government building.

A case of mistaken identity over a buring bagel caused the unnecessary evacuation of Portland, Oregon’s city building earlier today.   Town employees said that City Hall emptied in a matter of minutes after firefighters kicked in the door of the break room and bum rushed what ended up being a flaming bagle left in the toaster oven. There’s no immediate word on who burned the bagel or what type of bagel it was, but one of the union guys said “You should have seen what would have been a tasty burning bagel freak everyone out.  People were running around and knocking each other over like terrorists were attacking.  It was basically a mad dash to the exit and the weak were left to burn.”  (

City commissioners were in a meeting at the time and debating over more lenient laws for marijuana possession and cultivation.  After the fire alarm went off they all started a mad rush to the elevator and reportedly knocked over some 50 odd city employees before making it out and toking on a celebratorial bowl in the parking lot.   The jackass who forgot the bagel in the toaster oven apologized for the interruption after the evacuation, before being fired for stupidity and for getting baked on the job.  The morale of the story?  When you got the muchies, any old flaming bagel will do.


~ by the115 on 01/27/2010.

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