The Daily Habit: Business

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5 Ways To Land A Lousy Job – AMERICA-  Despite the fact that gas is back up to three freaking bucks a gallon, America’s economic outlook pretty much still sucks.  People are still getting laid off, companies are still going bust, and a bunch of wise asses out there are still jacking up their credit cards and forcing the public to foot the bill after bankruptcy court.  However, there might be some light at the end of the tunnel, if you’re willing to take a lousy job doing lousy work for next to nothing.  If that’s the case, there are a hundred other losers just like you wanting the same job, so come interview time it will be crucial to go in there and wow those pricks with your intellect.  If your job-getting skills pretty much suck, here are 5 sure-fire ways to land that crummy job unless, of course, you prefer the luxuries of unemployment compensation.

1.  Don’t be prepared with a list of questions to ask at the close of the interview.  Why ask questions if the job sucks?  You won’t take it anyway.

2.  Show weakness in an interview…. for money, divorced secretaries, and blow purchased from Esteban down in the mailroom.

3.  Be sure not to point out all of your strengths and skills to the employer.  They don’t need to know your high score on Asteroids or that you have been stealing band width from your neighbor in order to pull down copius amounts of porn.

4.   Don’t let the employer know your salary expectations…. until you get hired and find out the boss is banging his secretary around his wife’s back.  Then you can strong arm him for another $20 large.

5.  The employer does not determines whether or not you get the job.  Why should they?  You don’t want it anyway, at least not until May when your unemployment runs out. (http://hotjobs.yahoo.com/career-articles-interview_myths_that_keep_you_from_landing_the_job-1026)

With American on the brink of being owned by China, and with so few jobs currently available, there’s lots of desperate people ready to usedtheir kneepads and do what’s necessary fill those jobs.  Whether it be bribing a secretary or getting the H.R. guy loaded at lunch, making a good impression in an interview is of utmost importance. While jobs themselves are scarce, job advice is overly abundant, so it’s like this. If you wan that job, do whatever the hell it takes to get it, and then some.  If you’d rather be sitting around in your underpants pulling tubes and watching Wheel of Fortune on HD all day, forget about it and only get off the couch when the mail man drops off the u.p. check. 

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~ by the115 on 01/13/2010.

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