The Daily Habit: Weird News

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Jesus and the Jury Pool – BIRMINGHAM, ALABAMA –  If you’re an American in good standing, or if you’ve recently renewed your driver’s license, chances are you have been or will be called for jury duty some time soon.  With this being one of the most irritating of all social responsibilities, there’s a better chance you already have a sorry-ass excuse brewing.  Yes, some work and some don’t, but if you play your cards right you could be pardoned from showing up at the courthouse bright and early Monday morning, or maybe tossed out permanently once you get there, if your story is hard to lick.  You could tray the old “Yes, I know the perp, his mama and his baby’s daddy.”  Or, you   could always chug a bottle of cough medicine on the way, then pass out in the jury box before you’re even called up to bat.  If neither of those lame-brain ideas work, you could always tell the judge you’re Jesus Christ and that you’re not answering one goddamn question, no offense to the Lord of course. 

A Birmingham woman who changed her name to Jesus Christ, yes, that’s correct, Jesus Christ, didn’t live up to it when she reported for jury duty drunk as a skunk last week.   After six attempts to blow off her civic duty she was finally sent to the courtroom for a drug trafficking trial.   It didn’t last too long though as the 59-year-old impostor was excused because she was disruptive when nobody believed her name was the son of God, and kept she asking questions instead of answering them.  “Jesus Christ.  You brought me here for a weed trial?  Daddy created it so it must be good.”  (

During the trial people there were flabbergasted when they heard the drunk Mrs. Christ tell everybody her name was Jesus Christ. Some of her co-potential jurors laughed their asses off when her name was called but others got pissed because they didn’t think of saying they were Jesus Christ first.  However, despite a public drunkenness charge and being in contempt of court, Jesus’ main squeeze said she was “perfectly happy to serve until I found out it was a trial for weed, then I got pissed because I had to drag my ass out of bed for a pot bust.”


~ by the115 on 12/17/2009.

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