The Daily Habit: Cars

  11:59 pm

You Suck at Driving: 5 Dealer Options You Do Need – AMERICA – If you’re like every other poor schmuck in America, shopping for a car can be a total pain in the ass.  You call all of the dealers, you fall for their b.s., and you drive every car in town with no luck.  Then, all of a sudden, that 72 Pinto grabs your attention, but you can’t have it towed home until you haggle for a price, and for those dealer extras you may or many not need.  While some of these might make sense for you, others aren’t worth the money and they’ll probably piss you off once you pay for them.  But, since you’re a lousy driver with 4 DUIs,  here are five dealer options you better consider buying or you’ll be out of luck when your bad luck strikes, again.

1.  Extended warranties.  You got an 8 year loan for a $2500 Focus so you may as well buy it.

2.  Fabric and paint protection.  You eat like a total slob and you hit every buggy in the parking lot so spend a few quid for some extra protection.

3.  Rustproofing.  You’ll  have it for 30 years, you’ll get drunk and drive it in the ocean, or both.  Be wise, Simonize.

4.  Maintenance plans.  At least you’ll know when the oil needs changed, before blowing the engine.

5.  Ding protection.  Plan on spending a bundle to fix those fender benders, considering the way you drive drunk. (

While a few thousand bucks may seem like a hell of a lot of hard-earned money for the new car owner, it’s a wise bit of insurance for those 40 something gangster wannabes who insist on ghost riding the whip after they spent the entire day drinking Cisco out of a paper cup.  So, before you sign that note for a new car at  19.9 %, you have to look at yourself in the mirror and ask one question…. Do you really need to spend money for this stuff?  If you’re a’ drunk with a poor driving record and a dresser drawer full of moving violations then yes, you better did deep into your pockets and buy some piece of mind before you wreck that new goddamn car on the way home from the lot.


~ by the115 on 12/15/2009.

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