The Daily Habit: Culture

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I got Drunk at the Shelbyville Xmas Parade and You Fine me $500 – SHELBYVILLE, TENNESSEE –  Merry Freaking Christmas America. It’s that time of the year when everybody gets into the Christmas spirit, but they end up having too much fun, and too much to drink.  When you mix jolly old people and any type of intoxicant, things can get pretty crazy.  Uncle Bob comes over for Christmas dinner and drinks so much that by the end of the night he’s up on the roof beating the hell out of  the plastic Santa and all of his plastic reindeer.  Cousin Cheech gets so high that he ends up waiting for Santa to come down the chimney and pop out of the fake fireplace with a bag of cheap toys.  The neighbor broad across the street isn’t much better.  She got loaded at lunch and crashed the town Christmas parade, but she aint’ getting any presents from the judge who arraigned her.

A Tennessee woman was charged with public drunkenness and riding a horse under the influence of alcohol.  The woman, owner of a local stud farm, got drunk during a mating session and decided to take ride into town.  By the time she arrived she was so drunk she ended up taking a wrong turn and found her way into  in the Shelbyville Christmas parade.  She blacked out long before the parade ride ended and was found slumped over on her horse outside a motel.  (

Police said several people called to bitch about an intoxicated rider in a red coat on a white horse shouting “Merry Flucking Christmas” during the parade Saturday night.  The local yocals were at a loss because they were bombed too, so they weren’t sure what to do.  They ended up calling the State Boys who responded to the call and said they chased the woman twice but couldn’t nab her, at least not until she was found at the motel where she was tazered twice for resisting arrest.  Ho, ho, ho. America.  Don’t drink and drive a horse.


~ by the115 on 12/12/2009.

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