The Daily Habit: World News

In this image released by Miraflores Press Office, Venezuela's President Hugo 11:59 pm

The Chavez Diet: Lose Weight or You Will be Shot – CARACAS, VENEZUELA – Oh, what will that maniac in training Hugo Chavez think of next?  He’s so camera savvy now that pretty much anything outrageously ridiculous goes, even if his own people think he’s a plastic dictator with a big mouth and little brain.  First he took control of the country’s oil refineries and called it Petroleos de Venezuela which translate into Oil of Chavez incorporated.  Then the beloved sancho panza took over the country’s only television station and made himself the star of all three of its network programs, before he made it a law to watch his enormously stupid talk show, “Hugo’s Follies.”   Now he’s into doing weight loss infomercials and if you don’t buy his product you’ll be shot.

President Chavez spoke on his national television network today and proclaimed in disgust that “there are lots of fat people in Venezuela and they are getting fatter every minute.”  He ordered his supporters to exercise and eat healthy to trim their waistlines or they would be shot by the government’s fat police.  However, he also added gushed, “I’m not saying fat women, because they never get fat,” he added. “Women sometimes fill out but only if their husbands let them get away with it. All three of my wives, and my two girlfriends know better.”  (

The 55-year-old baffoon has lost nearly 20 pounds (9 kilograms in cocain weight) by exercising and eating well, along with frequent trips to the men’s room for bumps.  But Chavez, who is still much fatter than when he overthrew the government in 1999, chuckled and said that he could lose a few more pounds so that he could see his feet for the first time in 10 years.  He also said his diet and exercise have made him feel stronger and “ready to continue commanding the Bolivarian Revolution according to Hugo” the name he has given his socialist-inspired political movement, only it’s too bad that the revolution ended 10 years ago and that other than some socialist sponsored oil refineries and a man crush on Vlad Putin Hugo poses no threat to anyone than himself.  He’s luggin around alot of weight with that fat gut and big head head so he’s bound to have a heart attack sooner or later, unless HE goes on a diet. 


~ by the115 on 11/14/2009.

One Response to “The Daily Habit: World News”

  1. It’s ironic how it’s always the people who used to be fat who are now the biggest fat-haters, same as ex-smokers are usually the most righteous non-snomkers. Just because that guy is putting himself through hell to lose some weight (which is relatively pointless because he’s an ugly bastard either way) doesn’t give him the right to tell other people how to live. (Even though that’s what dictators generally do anyway). It’s still strange though, you’d think at least he’d stay out of relatively petty lifestyle issues, and focus on up-keeping his political monopoly, right?
    Those who do not comply will be shot by his fat police? I lol’d. If this guy wasn’t actively making people’s lives a misery every day, he’d even be funny.

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