The Daily Habit: Psychology

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5 Things You Need to Tell an Insurance Company – AMERICA –  If you’re like most Americans, you’re sending a fat check to some kind of an insurance company each month. It doesn’t matter if it’s for health insurance, car insurance, home insurance, or even that $4.99 cell phone insurance your cell phone provider sucks out of you.  The point is those goddamn no good companies take the money and in most cases you’re out of luck if something goes wrong. If your car breaks down two weeks after you buy it whatever the hells is wrong won’t be under warranty. If you get sick and spend some time in the hospital you’re going to have to pay for those slippers you stole and those pornos you watched.  When the house burns down on the 4th of July you bet your sweet ass you’ll be sleeping in a tent for a few montsh. If all of the above has happened to you and you’ve just about had it, here are five things you can say when you call the insurance company to file a claim.

1.  “I think…..  you better send me that goddamn check right now or I’m going to come down there and punch you in the friggin face.”

2.  “I got whiplash….. so you better call up your client and tell that sonofabitch to come fix my car or I’m going over there to punch him in the friggin face.”

3.  “It’s not an experimental treatment….. people have been smoking weed for thousands of years and it’s perfectly legal medical treatment in 14 states, dude.”

4.  “My basement flooded….. because that idiot upstairs overfilled his water-bed so I expect you pricks to get a plumber over here right goddamn now.

5.  “Just send me a check immediately….. or I’m going to come down there swinging a pair of numchucks that I’ll smash over your freaking heads.” (

 Some politically incorrect words are red flags to insurer companies and their asswipe claims adjusters,  and using them could mean that your claim might be held up for a few years or even denied in they feel like being total dicks.  You know they really don’t care  and that they are sure as hell going to take their sweet time paying up.  If that’s the case, don’t wait around for the plumber, mechanic, or that no good adjuster.  You hop in your car, if it’s out of the body shop, you drive on over to the insurance company’s corporate offices, then get those sweet numchucks out and rip through those no good bastards like you’re in a Bruce Lee movie.  After a few chipped teeth and some broken noses, somebody is bound to write that check.  Just hope that it covers your deductible  and a few bucks thrown in for your troubles.  Nationwide is never on your side.


~ by the115 on 11/05/2009.

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