The Daily Habit: Religion

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Let Us Kneel in Prayer Before I Rob Your Store – INDIANAPOLIS, INDIANA –  There is an old saying in the Good Book, or maybe it’s a saying from the I Ching, that goes something along the lines of “do onto others as you would have them do unto you.”  Or, if you’re a dumbass who’s clueless to Far and Middle Eastern philosophy, don’t screw with people and they won’t screw with you.  Kind of like when you get so wasted at the bar that you end up puking all over yourself in the alley, then a bro walks by and doesn’t hassel you about it.  Ditto to him when he drank too much beeer adn shit himself at a softball game  Or, maybe even like when you’re out running around on your wife and you see your neighbor at a motel with a hooker. You certainly aren’t going to tell his wife.  But, doing the Chrisitian duty before committing a felony?  Yep.  They’re sinners too.

A religious thief, about as dumb as they get, spent 20 minutes on his knees praying with the Muslim clerk at an Indianapolis check cashing joint before putting a gun to her head and stealing her cell phone, birth control pills and $90 from the register. The stick -up got weird when gunman came around the counter and the clerk started praying to Allah.  The man said he had a 2-year-old coke habit to support and asked for prayers about overcoming his vices.  He also said, “Don’t worry sister.  I’m not stealing from you, I’m stealing from the man who owns this store and forced you into indentured servitude.  Let us pray to Jesus because He’s the son of God, and of course he’s the only God.  No Allah here in America.”  (

Police used footage from the store’s security video to help with the man hunt.  Because the man was too dumb to wear a mask or drive a stolen getaway car, police found him the next day calling a sex line from the women’s phone in the basement of the local church where he is doing an intership for the clergy.  Upon his arrest the man confessed to the robbery and begged for forgiveness for his sins, even though the clerk followed a false prophet.  He also said his ex-wife was killing him with child support and that he had a $50 a day whiff habit that wasn’t getting any better. All took a moment to say a prayer before the preacherman was cuffed, stuffed and booked for armed robbery.


~ by the115 on 10/22/2009.

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