The Daily Habit: Weird News

View Image 11:59 pm

No Gun, No Money, Bitch – HAVERHILL, MASSACHUSETTS – Have you ever worked in a corner bodega that has been robbed a few hundred times by wiseasses from the neighboring hoods?  If you have, you know how noid you were every day for like a week or two after the place was hit, especially if you were hanging out with Bobby Brown right before your shift.  The baseheads came in swining a baseball bat and robbed the place on Mondays.  The smackheads showed up on Wednesdays with a machete and they took all of the cash in the drawer.  The stick up kids showed up on Fridays and busted in wearing a mask and waving a 9mm.  They took all of the loot too, but not from this guy.  Not ever.  And he’s not even from the neighborhood.

A crackhead’s attempt to rob a Kwiki Mart was foiled when a clerk laughed at the Halloween mask he was wearing and demanded to see the gun.  Authorities said a man under the influence of drugs obsconded from the White Hen Pantry in Haverhill after attempting to rob the place and later was caught by police when he tried to stick up the guy in the park with the monkey meat cart. No gun was found on him, because he didn’t have one.  The suspect entered the store at roughly 12:45 a.m.  last Friday wearing a vampire mask, and said to the clerk, “give me the goddamn money Habib.  If you don’t, I got something for you in my pocket.”  (

The clerk, Mujibar Patel,  told the thief he could “have all the money in the place, but you have to show me the burner first, bitch.”  Patel told police that the man gave a puzzled, wide-eyed look through the mask, then ran out of the store and into the woods.  He pleaded not guilty to trespassing,  resisting arrest, and attempting to commit a crime by stating that he had no money, a mask or gun when arrested.  Patel didn’t appear to be shaken up but did say he was considering a new line of work, until he realized that the next day was Saturday, the same day he gets to wear the mask, carry a gun, and rob the store.  What comes around goes around when you own a Kwiki Mart and don’t pay any taxes for 7 years.


~ by the115 on 10/07/2009.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: