The Daily Habit: Culture

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Letter From The Craigslist Stoner-  Every once in a while a great author is born and we don’t even know he’s good until he creates a masterpiece,  The Piece de Resistance that stuns the literary world. Common readers don’t know the difference between Shakespeare and Shakes the Clown, but the educated man is well at home in any literary genre.  There were bohemoths like Ernest Hemingway and Hunter S. Thompson who reported fact and fiction and were successful in both print and film.  Others like Dr. J.R. Kay and Dr. Tom Caulfield graced the pages of academia with studies on urban migration and New York City films.  Then there’s this guy.  He may be a relatively unknown but he has the makings of a real genius, for a pot head.  The following paragraphs contain his latest manifesto to adorn the pages of Craigslist.

You: the guy who answers the phone at Cottage Inn Pizza .  Me: Hungry and stoned out of my gourd.  I called you from my cell phone but had completely forgot who the fluck I was calling by the time you answered the phone. Of course, I knew right away that you were baked to bajeezus, man,  and forgot to tell me that I dialed my favorite pizza pie place on the planet, Cottage Inn.  When you answered and said, “What the hell do you want ?” I thought about it, and after a 60 second pause filled with “um, ah” I told you that I stoned and needed food pronto. You suggested I try a friggin pepperonine pizza, and I said ditto, dude (

Then I asked you if you could hook me up with a pie. I said I wanted pepperoni and muhshrooms,  but hold the anchovies on my pizza, dude.  Then I asked what other flavors you had kicking and you spent like five minutes explaing all the toppings until I figured out that I was goodwith the roni and shrooms.  You said “Ya, buddy, we’ll bake that pie right up for you friggin quick” and we both started laughing ridiculously.  After that I took a few bong hits of some tasty lime kush I just snagged and the next thing I remembered was waking up next to an empty box of pizza and an empty jar of kind bud.    Dude, it was the most delicious pizza pie I ever had; I just wanted to thank you for helping me out and wanted to ask if you know what happened to my stash of nugs.  Thanks.  The Craigslist Stoner

So impressed by the author’s posting on Craigslist, the delivery guy at the pizza place posted a response and thanked the author for his kind words.

Dear Craigslist pothead.  Thanks for the kind frigginwords ova der at Craigslist.  We’re glad you liked our friggin pie so much that you had to write friggin ledda abahdit.  Now we got all kinds of friggin weirdos calling our friggin pizza parlah asking all kinds of friggin questions about pizza topings and shit.  Next time you open your friggin mouth about our place I’ll take more than your friggin pot the next time I stop ova.  Kapiche?  But totally off  da subject, can yous get us some Craigslist hookas ova here?  We got cash and plenny of it. 


~ by the115 on 08/27/2009.

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