The Daily Habit: Culture

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You’re Technologically Ignorant:  WTF Does That Mean? –   Are one of those texting twits who has a cell phone  in your hand all day long?  Do you run into 4 parked cars while Tweeting about running into 4 parked cars?  If so, your trendiness and hipster doofus way of communicating is confusing the hell out of the technologicaly illiterate in America. The whole way that we communicate through those little devices has changed the way we communicate with each and over time has evolved into minimalist conversations.  Theres’ LOL for “laugh out loud,” BRB means “be right back,”  and WTF means “what the fluck” are you talking about?  It’s these little cliches that can be quite embarrassing when you have no idea what they hell they mean. If you don’t, you’re a technologically stupid baffoon, so read on and learn something about the real world that’s already left your behind.

As text shorthand becomes increasingly more ridiculous in text messages and even in emails, dim-whitted people are running in circles trying to figure out what the hell it all means. In the workplace, a  mastery of text-speak is required or you’ll be the joke at lunch every day for the next year.  For instance, a newly hired worker at the Pentagon, a laid off bus driver, didn’t know what the abbreviation “NSFW” written at the bottom of an email meant.  When she opened the file she was greeted by the sights and sounds of two horses having rough sex to Marvin Gaye’s “Let’s Get It On” playing in the background.  The music was so loud it shook the condom machine in the men’s room righ off the wall.    Ten minutes later she was fired for viewing animal bestiality porn on Pentagon computers.  Once home she stole a wireless internet connection from her neighbor found out that NSFW meant “Not safe for work.”   “If I would have known it wasn’t safe to read that shit at work, I wouldn’t have taken the chance of getting my ass fired,” says the woman who lost her job.  “How the hell was I supposed to know what NSFW means?  The goddamn email was for my boss anyway.  I was actually snooping through her email when I opened it up so she should be the one being fired for horse flucking porn” (

One reason for the massive populariyt of texting abbreviations, more than 2,000 and counting, is the popularity of  social interaction services like Twitter, and the fact that any loser off the street can now afford a cell phone plan and a cheap cell phone to text with.  With this in mind, texting was likely developed by teenagers who were bored during school and wanted to communicate with friends quickly and in secret, or a bunch of lazy potheads were too fried to spell correctly when trying to score from their connection.  Either way, texting is all about having private, often illegal conversations with your friends, family, and of course your neighborhood drug dealer.  If you haven’t had the chance to learn the lingo, get off your fat ass PDQ and buy a cheap cell phone at the BOGOF price.  If you do, you’ll be telling people FA-Q  or FUKOF in no time.


~ by the115 on 08/06/2009.

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