The Daily Habit: Weird News

Go to fullsize imageGo to fullsize image 11:02 pm

I Robbed Some Banks To Relieve My Stress And Damn It Felt Good-  Times are getting harder in America today and millions upon millions of people are stressed out.  With so much tension, people are looking for creative ways to relieve stress Jack and Diane up the street both got laid off so they set up a boxing ring in the driveway and beat the hell out of each all day long.  Joe the Plumber hasn’t been called out to snake out stinky toilets or fix a leaky shower in a long while so he goes out back and shoots his gun till 3 am.  Some loser from Detroit never had a job to lose but he went and committed a few felonies just to pay the bills.

A Detroit vagrant who said he started robbing banks to pay for his mother’s plumbing bill was sented to a duce in state prison;  a lenient term from a judge who said the defendant was a normal loser with no job before his crime spree.   Prosecutors wanted U.S. District Judge Bernard Friedman to throw the book at him, which would have given Jimmie Lee Fortune, the said thief,  5 to 7  hard ones for stealing nearly $15,000 from five Michigan banks.   According to court documents, Fortune got staggering drunk, then stumbled into banks demanding money and yelling threats such as, “I want all the dead presidents in this here fake Gucci bag or I’ll start busting caps in everybody’s ass,” even though he didn’t have a gun during the robberies.  Oddly enough dumbfounded bank employees gave him the money anyways, then they were fired for their blatant stupidity (http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090729/ap_on_fe_st/us_odd_rookie_robber).

Fortune had told the judge that he robbed the first bank in April 2008 to fix his mother’s plumbing.  Apparently he had been masturbating into a Playboy when his mother tried to open the bathroom door. He panicked and flushed the magazine down the toilet which caused the plumbing in the whole building to back up for weeks.  He also used some of the money to get his driver’s license reinstated, he bought a 79 Camaro, satelite tv and an online subscripton to Juggs so he could whack it in the privacy of his bedroom.  Upon release he plans to write a book about prison.

 

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~ by the115 on 08/05/2009.

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