The Daily Habit: Sports

Go to fullsize imageGo to fullsize image 11:59 pm

Jerry Jones and the $90 Pie- DALLAS – If you’re a man’s man, one of your favorite things in the world is sports.  It doesn’t matter what kind either, as long as it involves chearleaders, booze and lots of fattening food.  Could be women’s field hockey with giant hamburgers and cheap wine, Canadian Curling with nachos and 3 meat burritos, or even Swedish Bikini Team tiddlywinks with Philly cheese steaks and 40 ouncers of malt licquor.  The thing that counts is having a good time with good food and good friends.  But, the world’s biggest prick, who just happens to own a professional football team, ain’t going to let that happen this year without getting his cut.  And no, it’s not Al Davis holding out his hand.

The colossal new Dalls Stadium is living proof that everything is bigger in Texas, except for team owner Jerry Jones’ bank account by the looks of things. The menu in the luxury suites proves that things there are more expensive too. Lucky corporate owners who are footing the outrageous bill for luxury suite sat the new stadium will be robbed of $90 for greasy pizza and $66 for a 12-pack of cheap-ass domestic beer.   Yep, $160 for a microwave pie and a sixer of Schlitz.  That’s worse than Tony Romo’s salary, after Jessica Simpson kicked him to the curb.

It costs $800k per year to lease one of those crummy luxury suites with the grumpy bar tender and stinky PortoPotty.  And what do you know…. that doesn’t even include parking or game tickets. On the bright side, Jones’ official Web site says that “Having your company’s name on a suite makes an important statement about your success and can help make an impression on clients, particularly when  they know what cheap bastards you all really are.  Prices are non-negotiable.  Take it or leave it”  (,180810).

As for the $90 pizza, who the hell is really going to shell out $120 for the deep dish with all the fixings?  Nobody of course, unless the company is paying for everying.  For that kind of loot you could bribe an intern to run down to pick up a few different pies at Dominoes on the first level, then get her to show off her boobs in the bathroom at half time.  No, that wouldn’t work either.  Then Jones would have to get his cut  of 80% and of course the NFL would have their hands out too.  When it’s all said and done, there wouldn’t be anyone left to bribe, then  it would be to up to Dan Rooney to legalize prostitution during half time. 


~ by the115 on 08/04/2009.

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