The Daily Habit: Psychology

 7:22 pm

The 5 Best Times for Curb Kicking-  You know that old song “Breaking Up is Hard to Do” by the king of one-hit-wonders Neil Sedaka?  It kinda goes something like this, “They say that breaking up is hard to do.  Now I know, I know that it’s true .  Don’t say that this is the end.  Instead of breaking up I wish that we were making up again.”  Well, it’s probably true for the sentimental stalkers out there who still haven’t got the hit to get lost, but not so for the cold-hearted sons a bitches.  When they get a bug up their rear about breaking up, they don’t play reindeer games for a month.  They get right to the “GET LOST”  part pronto.  So, if you’re one of those people who take pleasure in telling lousy lovers to get lost, here are 5 good times of the year when kicking someone to the curb ain’t so bad.

1.  Christmas-  What better time of the year to spread some break-up cheer, that way you don’t have to buy that cheating bitch anything.

2.  Birthdays-  Biggie Smalls said “birthdays are the worse days,” but that might not be true.  The best presents in life don’t  cost anything, and neither does telling your ex to get lost on her birthday.  Make a wish when you blow out those candles babe.

3.  On a day when someone learns their gravely ill- Gee, honey, I’m sorry your herpes came back.  By the way, I’m leaving you for that young, hot chick in my Cinematic Review class.   Get well soon, and I hope you can find a new cream to help with that outbreak.  I also hope you can find a housemate before the rent is due next week because I’m not giving you a dime.”

4. On a day when a famlily member or friend dies- “I know that you were awful close to your pet ferret and I’m sorry he’s gone, but he’s not the only one leaving you for good.  I moved all my shit out while you were at the vet’s office so don’t wait up.  I won’t be home any time soon.”

5.  On the wedding day-  Dump her trampy ass right on the altar, in front of everyone.  That way she’ll definitely  know it’s over for good, this time (http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/user-post-top-5-worst-times-to-be-dumped-488066/).

So, just to remind all of your forlorn losers out there, breakups totally suck, but they are a reality so brace yourself for the moment of impact.  Lovesickness hits everyone at one point in life and when it happens there’s nothing you can do but buy a box or two of tissues, then sign up for some internet porn.  But on the rare chance you get a chance to do some curb kicking, don’t hesitate for a minute.  Think of a good excuse, be sure you have some free sex lined up that’s a sure shot, then take aim and kick that bitch out on her ass.  Though breaking up is really hard to do, there are times when it’s just downright awesome.

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~ by the115 on 07/16/2009.

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