The Daily Habit: Television

Go to fullsize imageGo to fullsize image 11:59 pm

10 Informerical Products that Just Plain Suck-  Come on, admit it.  There’s been many times over the past few years when you’ve come from a long night of boozing and doing bumps in the john only to fall heavily on the couch before your shoes are off.  You turned on the t.v., surfed around impatiently with all ten of the remotes on the coffee table, then finally settled on then infomercial network to lull you into a minor chemically induced coma.   14 hours later you wake up with cotton-mouth from hell and a banging headache, then you find 14 confirmation emails from  Aside from the obvious fact that you sleep shop when you’re loaded, hopefully you didn’t buy any of this junk or you’re going to be really pissed.

1. ShamWow-  Wow, a Sham.  Those towels aren’t any different than the ones the dude gives away in the men’s room at your local peep show.

2.  Grill Daddy Pro Brush-  You couldn’t brush your teath with that cheap junk let alone trying to use it to clean that singed flesh of your old grill, and neither could your dad.

3.  Play and Freeze Ice Cream Maker- What parent want’s to get their kid a toy that involves making loads of sticky ice cream and hours of rolling the damn thing around on the new carpet?

4.  Space Bags-  No, it’s Wrinkle Bags. Get out the crusty old iron and that bottle of dingy brown water cause you’re going to need it after taking your clothes out of those worthless things.

5.  Debbie Meyer Green Bags-  More like Debbie Meyer Brown bags after everything rots and turns brown in them.

6.  Buttoneer-  Buttoneer, cross-dressing Buccaneer.  Who cares?  They’re both queer.

7.  Pasta Pronto-  Takes an hour to get this goddamn thing to boil and the macaroni still isn’t done yet.

8.  Garden Groom Midi-  The Flowbie does a better job of cutting bushes than this thing, but it does work well on human hair. 

9.  Split Ender- Should have been Dead Ender cause it didn’t go anywhere.

10.  Blox Fabric Protector-  Smells like Lox Fabric Stainer because it smells like fish and leaves an oily spot or two (

So you beer drinking cokeheads out there with a spending problem, next time you come home with a snoot full of booze and blow, go right upstairs and turn on the computer.  Internet porn is a much better way to wind down a day’s binging, and porn is always free, if you know the right sites.  If you don’t get your fix with naked chicks, try buying the Erotic Pocket Pal at  It’s a great gadget, but you won’t find IT advertised on tv.




~ by the115 on 07/03/2009.

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