The Daily Habit: Culture

Go to fullsize imageGo to fullsize image 10:22 pm

I Finally Won A Spelling Bee and it Only Took 50 Freakin Years-  Ever hear the old saying “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again?”  It kind of parallels the story of the “Little Engine That Could,” only in an ass-breaking, “like really sucks until you die” context that a member of the real world understands.  You have people like Mr. Mediocre athlete who sticks around the beer leagues until he’s 35, then gets a snowball in July and makes the minor leagues for a few years of fading glory.  Or that college thespian who moves to L.A. and tries out for 499 movies while flipping burgers at Ralley’s, then finally gets a 10 second part in a B movie.  They had a dream and never gave up, just like this schmuck who waited a long-ass time to become a  winner.

It took Michael Petrina Jr. 51 freakin years of failure to finally win a spelling bee, but he did it.  Petrina walloped 45 other spellers older than 50 to win the AARP’s National Spelling Bee held at Donald Trump owned casino in Montana last week.  Weirdly enough Petrina won his state’s national spelling bee, a total fix, when he was a lad, but then choked in a big way at the Scripp’s National Spelling Bee. The 64-year-old’s winning word was “woad,” a super stupid easy word that means “a plant whose leaves yield a blue dye that’s used to produce cheap junk in foreign countries” (

For his paltry efforts Petrina won $500 in casino tokens, a plastic trophy left over the from AARP  rodeo, a set of ace dictionaries circa 1966 and a bunch of other junk not worth mentioning.  Sure it sounds like it’s a big deal but it’s really not.  It’s just a way for the AARP, founded in 1996, to rope members into ponying up some quid for a hokey award ceremony at a Donald Trump casino resort.   Kind of like a fraternity/sorrority formal where everybody goes away for the weekend and gets loaded, only it’s for grammies and grampies who fork over their social security checks for yearly dues and funeral insurance.  Spell scam.  It means to be had.  In a sentence its’ “The AARP holds a bunch of phoney contests that are really a front for a billion dollar scam that’s gone undetected since 1996.” 



~ by the115 on 06/23/2009.

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