The Daily Habit: Culture

 11:12 pm

5 Gifts That’ll Fluck Up Father’s Day- In just a few short hours our most favorite holiday to show someone how much we care will be here.  No, stupid.  Not Christmas or Valentine’s day.  Father’s day; the one time of the year we can give dad a bunch of cheap junk he’ll never use, wear, or want.  One year it was that little fishing rod that looked like a Mr. Potato Head doll, only he accidentally ran over it twice with the car.  Another time it was a battery operated, space-age welding pen that was supposed to weld light metals with a single touch, but it ended up burning a huge hole right through the freaking bumper of his favorite riding mower.  Ya, those gifts weren’t so great, and neither are any of these, so don’t buy any of them or you’ll really piss him off this time.

1. Anything homemade- If you make anything by hand it will be tossed in the trash before he even opens it. 

2.  Thats awesome talking fish mounted on a plaque-  Screw it.  Buy it for him anyway. It’s worth seeing that pissed off look on his face, and the talking fish is pretty funny.

3. Anything that says “Get off your lazy ass and go to work” or “Get off your lazy ass and exercise”-  He just loves being reminded that he’s a walking heart attck who’s killing himself just to pay all of your bills, car insurance and your ridiculous chronic habit.

4. Golf or fishing gear- Fagettaboutit- He totally sucks at both.

5.  Stinky “Ourversionof” cologne-  He’s had every flavor “Ourversionof” that WalMart sells.  Stick to Old Spice stupid (http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/life/5-worst-fathers-day-gifts-476536/).

So, you got two choices tomorrow. You could crack open the pork vault and spend a few quid on some stuff that dad will reallydig, like anything with naked boobs or something that goes bang! Or you could buy him one of the above and watch him freak out as he breaks it into a million pieces in the driveway.  It better be something good or he’ll be cutting off the internet and cable in the basement before you can say Happy Father’s Day, pop.

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~ by the115 on 06/20/2009.

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