The Daily Habit: Business

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5 Fun Ways to Extend Your Credit- If you’re like the rest of America, right about now you’re thinking of another excuse to give the pesty creep from your credit card company every time you see “anonymous” on your caller id.  He’s the idiot who calls at least 10 times a day wanting to know when you’re going to pay up for all of the stuff you can’t afford.  First it was the $500 you paid for a weed container filled with Jerry Garcia’s ashes.  Then it was that gross of blemished Shamwows that set you back a cool large.  And don’t you dare overlook that motorized bar stool with a blown motor you picked up on Ebay for $1800.  How could you forget that you owe $3300 for a  bunch of junk that’s cluttering up your wife’s side of the friggin garage?  You can’t, not with the asshole from the credit card company calling you all day long, but that’s nothing compared to how many times the old lady yells about it.  So, how is it that you managed to be in debt up to your eyeballs and keep getting more credit?  You’ve thought it about it for weeks end but still don’t know?  Read on spendaholics.  Here’s 5 fun ways to totally extend your credit.

1.  Open up multiple credit card accounts.  Once you max one out there’s several more to choose from.

2.  Use credit cards for everything.  Why carry around $13000 for a car when you can just charge it?  Hell, throw in that $3500 navigation system while you’re at it.

3.  Run up the balance to the limit.  You’re never going to be able to pay off just one card, so why not live a little and max them all out?  Nobody else in the neighborhood has a wild monkey in their petting zoo, but keep that high-priced lawyer on retainer in case the chimp breaks out.

4.  Open up a new card every time you max one out.  That way they can’t catch you until you max the new one out, in theory.  Just be sure to have another new card and a fake passport stashed in a locker at the bus station.

5.  Skip Your Payments- May as well.  You don’t have the money to pay anyway (http://finance.yahoo.com/banking-budgeting/article/107154/7-ways-to-be-a-dolt-about-credit?mod=bb-creditcards).

So, folks, if you want to live life in the fast lane but don’t have two nickels to rub together, get a credit card and have some fun.   These days, wrecking your ability to get credit is about as easy as blowing over that German Tank you bought at an FBI surplus sale.  You can basically go to a ball game at your local stadium, get suckered into filling  out a form to get that Pittsburgh Pirates t-shirt that’s way too small, then a week later a card for I.P. Freely shows up in your mailbox.  After that it’s a spending extravaganza on the tax payer’s dime.  The nations banks are failing because of people like you and Seemore Butts and Peter Burns and That Dick, Cheney, so wise up and don’t leave a  paper trail; get multiple Ebay accounts like the rest of the thieves out there. 

 

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~ by the115 on 06/08/2009.

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