The Daily Habit: Culture

Go to fullsize imageGo to fullsize image 8:16 pm

Seriously Father, If We Can’t Get Married I’ll Cut Off My Schmeckie-  Fellas.  Women sure do have us by the nads, don’t they?  Once we are in love, or even in like, they just have a special way of wrapping us our their little fingers and once they do it’s all over.  We start off saying screw it, we don’t want a relationship, but when the thrice daily whoopie gets going mad crazy we buckle under pressure.  “I” starts being “we,” “hell no” means “yes, dear” and “I do” quickly becomes “honey do.”  Sure, all of that is great when you know a life-long commitment is around the corner, but it really sucks when your folks forbid you to marry her because she’s from a low-rent part of the desert.  You can, 1. Try to talk your way into moving into the tent after the wedding,  2.  Throw in a two camels and a Range Rover to sweeten the deal, 3.  Instead of threatening to shoot yourself you say you’re going to cut off your cocknballs, then you really do it,  just to spite your ma and pa and their foolish Egyptian traditions.

A 25-year-old Egyptian man cut off his own schmeckie to spite his family after he was refused permission to marry a girl from a low-end part of town where people live in shantys and bathe in the cess pool.  After unsuccessfully begging his strict Muslim father for two years to marry the no-good tramp, the man heated up a machete and whacked off his genitalia, sack and all.  The young man came from a rich, proud family in the southern Egyptian province of Qena, one of Egypt’s most rundown and traditionally strict areas near the chronicled ruins of Luxor (

The foolish lad, or lass, was rushed to the hospital but doctors were unable to reattach his junk.  Traditionally, marriages in these conservative part of southern Egypt are between similar social classes and often within the same extended families yet they are rarely done for love.  They’re really about a fat dowry for the patriarch and a pay-off for power.  If they go well then everybody is swimming in an oasis of goat skins and Persian rugs.  If they go south then things are going to get balls to the wall crazy till somebody gets hurt.  Don’t hate the players mom and dad, hate the game.  “Hello, Luxor ‘Pitch n Putt?’  A tee time for a round of cocknballs and a cart, please.  No I don’t have my own bag and balls, I’ll have to rent.”


~ by the115 on 06/03/2009.

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