The Daily Habit: Education

Burger chain wants McPhDs to complement McJobs 11:59 pm

I got a Ph.D. from Ronald McDonald U. and I’m Still Flipping Burgers- With the world economy in the proverbial poop can, it’s no wonder that many out of work people are going back to school.  Some  will go off to trade schools to learn how to paint cars or build houses.  Others will take classes at local community colleges or 4 year schools where they make a complete career change.  Another group, mostly unskilled, no-name business school rejects, will turn to online universities and try to crawl through a two year nursing or criminal justice degree in a little over four years.  Despite the type of school, at least their is hope for a better future, and a better job.  But, there is another completely different group of loser’s out there who are currently working for McDonald’s, and now they’re going back to school to get a worthless Ph.D. from Ronald McDonald U.

US based cultural icon McDonald’s is hoping to offer McPh.D.safter receiving approval to award its own nationally recognised qualifications in Britain.  Chief people watcher David Fairhurst said the company’s new power to award qualifications made it “a university in its own right”, and added that the company wanted to award qualifications equivalent to university degrees. “One day, I’d love to see us doing a PhD, I definitely think we should go as far as we can,” he said.  “I do realize that it’s going to be a worthless degree that won’t qualify anyone for anything other than flipping burders, but the fact that we have Rondald McDonald, Grimace and The Hamburgler on faculty is bloody awesome” (;_ylt=AhIBezoxMitoRjdL16wzqWlvaA8Fowever).

Fairhurst did stress that the company wanted to perfect its current training regimen, which includes courses in shift management, fry salting, pickle slicing and the ever-difficult restroom washing 101 that are equivalent  to high school courses, before putting together a post-graduate degree which is just as worthless as the McPh.D, only it’s cheaper tuition.  A Ph.D. at McDonald’s, and their totally serious about it?  What’s the dissertation consist of, writing a paper on the importance of a condom machine in the men’s john?  Maybe a few jotted ideas on how to work in a salad and sushi bar in prime locations?  That’s just ludicrous and it’s an insult to the people who actually went to a real college and killed themselves for eight years to get Dr. next to their name.   So, if you’re one of the dillusional people out there who believe a fake degree puchased in a Happy Meal is going to get you somewhere in life, you better keep on flipping burgers and hope that Mayor McCheese is elected president cause it just ain’t happening.  I’d like a Wopper with Cheese value meal to go, and hold the pickles and lettuce too. Just want it my way at Burger King.


~ by the115 on 05/11/2009.

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