4:26 pm

Tim Montgomery Sentenced to 48 Months- Former Olympic gold medalist and world-class sprinter Tim Montgomery was sentenced to 46 months in prison Friday for his role in a multimillion-dollar check scheme.  Montgomery, 33, hung his head as Judge Kenneth Karas handed down the sentence.  Montgomery pleaded guilty last year to conspiracy to commit bank fraud and money laundering.  Federal prosecutors said he played a key role in depositing bogus checks worth $1.7 million.  Montgomery left track and field in 2005 after he was banned for doping.  He has a child with Marion Jones, another track phenom who is now in prison for lying about the check scam and about her use of performance-enhancing drugs.  “I’ve had everything I ever wanted in life. I’ve stood on the top of the mountain,” Montgomery told the court. But now, “the gold medal, all those people cheering, that was part of another world. … In jail, my status is gone” (Sports: Tim Montogmery Sentenced).  The check case also involves Montgomery’s former coach, gold medalist Steve Riddick, and Jones’ longtime agent, Charles Wells who both plead guilty.  Montgomery still faces drug-dealing charges in Virginia where he is accused of selling more than 100 grams of heroin to federal agents.  Geezus.  Another professional athlete jailed for stealing money and selling drugs?  You’ve got to be kidding.  You would think he would have learned a lesson after he was busted and banned for doping.  But that’s what happens in the real world folks, where stealing and dealing gets you hard time.  As dumb as the Federal narcs are, they still have the wits to tap your phone and follow you around all day.  They’re getting paid big bucks to entrap and squeal on former sports icons who hit hard times so keep an eye out.  Just suck it up Timmy boy.  Keep those butt cheeks tight and wear that fashionable hair net if Cliffie asks you to do so.  Hold his stamps and Newports too, just in case.  4 years in the slam goes real slow when you’re somebody’s bitch.

 10:41 pm

The IRS F*!*ed Up- According to Yahoo Buzz!, the IRS made grievous errors with the distribution of tax stimulus checks.  Offer a little stimulus, however, and taxpayers can’t wait. So, understandably, initial reports that 15,000 taxpayers would not be getting an IRS love letter sent the Buzz into a tizzy. Fortunately, that number turned out to be much smaller: Only 1500 have been inadvertently wired to the wrong accounts. (Don’t even think of keeping it!) Out of 30 million bits of … um … stimuli, that’s an error rate of just .05%, approximately. Except there’s another small snafu: The IRS also ‘fessed up to forgetting to send out $300 child/dependent refunds to as many as 350,000 households. Before you ask: The IRS will mail another letter copping to the error, and the checks will follow in July. The upside: The U.S. Post Office must be raking it in from their repeat customers.  Despite all this, the government agency should feel swamped with affection. How have people loved the IRS in the past month? Let us count a few of the searches: “2008 rebate checks 2008″ (+14,579%), ”government rebate check (+6789), “tax stimulus checks” (+5,798%), “and “you ripped me off for my check” (off the charts). The most frequent query? ”When will I get my goddamn tax check?”  (Politics:  The IRS).  Errors by the IRS?  No, you’re kidding.  Did you really think the tax rebates were going to go as planned?  If you did, I have a nice bridge for sale in Brooklyn and I can give it to you for a killer price.  Here’s a littly IRS screw up for you.  I sent the Fed a check $1769 (because one of my employers failed to use a newly submitted 1040 so less money was taken out that necessary).  A month later I’m wondering whey the hell they didn’t cash my check because my checking account was off by a $1000 or so.  I called and after being put on hold for 45 minutes I was told my check was only written for $769 so that was what was withdrawn.  I argued with the dipshit representative who then told me they couldn’t read my handwriting on the check andt hat I failed to send my tax forms for verification.  Just a check, no forms or 1040 voucher.  Funny.  I had the receipt from the post office which said $1.91.  Proof that I sent the forms in a manila envelope.  After this I was then told I had to write another check for $1000, plus $75 for a late fee, but to refrain from sending  copies of the check  and postal receipt because they would stall the process of payment.  With visions of pipe bombs in my head I went to the bank and requested a copy of my check.  Voila!  The check was written for $1769.  The writing was as clear as a bell and a 2nd grader could have read the numbers.  The moron who opened my envelope, a scab worker no doubt, didn’t have the common sense to just read the 1040 voucher that was paper clipped to the check.  One month of headaches and balance issues with my chekcing account just because some lazy stiff wanted to hit the Chinese buffet a few minutes early.  Needless to say I wrote them a letter outlining their stupidity and told them I wasn’t paying shit on the late fee.  I only hope they don’t screw up my stimulus check.  If they do, I want interest.  After all, if you screw them on payment, your going to be paying interest till your back hairs turn gray.  Way to go IRS.  Nothing like stealing our money, then screwing us on the return.

 10:37 pm

An Interview With Little Georgie Bush- In his first online interview with Yahoo and Politico.com, our beloved jackass President George W Bush opened up and showed his true character.  Among such subjects as war and the recent marriage of his daughter, W moaned that the Democratic presidential candidates’ plans to withdraw abruptly from Iraq could eventually lead to another attack on the United States and would embolden terrorists.  Bush also feels his doomsday scenario for a premature withdrawal “of course is that extremists throughout the Middle East would be emboldened, which would eventually lead to another attack on the United States ” (Politics: An Interview With Little Georgie Bush).   For the first time, Bush revealed a personal way in which he has tried to acknowledge the sacrifice of soldiers and their families. Bush said he made that decision after the August 2003 bombing of the United Nations headquarters in Baghdad, which killed Sergio Vieira de Mello, the top U.N. official in Iraq and the organization’s high commissioner for human rights. Congress has since pushed, and Bush has signed, various intelligence reforms, including the creation of a director of national intelligence, whose job it is to help the various parts of the intelligence community share information.  Well folks, that’s all find and dandy.  It’s nice of Georgie to open up a bit.  However, he once again displayed his mastery of the English language and showed signs that he never passed the 8th grade, despite daddy Bush buying his diploma from Yale.  I don’t want some mom whose son may have recently died to see the commander in chief playing golf,” he said. “I feel I owe it to the families to be in solidarity as best as I can with them. And I think playing golf during a war just sends the wrong signal.”   What’s that genius?  You want to be in solidarity with them?  What the hell does that mean man?  How about this one:  In a reversal of the usual question that’s put to him, a query submitted online asked the president whether he felt he had been misled about Iraq as he made the decision to go to war.  “‘Misled’ is a strong word, it almost connotes some kind of intentional.”  Yes, go on man, what is it your trying to say?  Some kind of intentional what?  Finally, the grand finale, no pun intended.  This one comes from W, the son of an oil baron who started a no- win war with the Middle East over bubbling crude:  “I don’t think you want your president trying to be the cool guy and not end up with policies that actually make a difference. So the policies I’ve outlined are policies that will actually make a difference: nuclear power for generating electricity, battery driven cars, ethanol.”   You’re right Georgie, we don’t want a cool guy as president.  We don’t want a bumbling idiot with an 7th grade education either.  We just want a person with a brain and some loyalty to his own people.  “If George W Bush had any kind of brains he would have impeached himself in his first year of office, but I don’t think they covered impeachment at Yale.  If they did, W must have been out driving around drunk and snorting something illegal.”- Hunter S. Thompson on George W Bush.

 11:55 pm

Remy Ma Gets 8 Years-  Hard core rapping diva Remy Ma was sentenced to 8 years in prison today by a New York City judge.  The entertainer, whose real name is Remy Smith, had faced up to 25 years in prison for assault, weapon possession and attempted coercion for shooting Makeda Barnes Joseph last July in a dispute over money, but the charges were reduced to suit the crime, or so some say.  Smith, 26, begged the judge for leniency for the sake of her son and family saying she grew up amongst violence and turmoil but made something out of nothing from her life.  State Supreme Court Justice Rena Uviller said she recognized that Smith had had a difficult childhood, but noted the victim had nearly died and will never be the same physically. Uviller said though Ma was a contributing member of society, she is also a woman whose anger is out of control.  After the sentencing, Smith’s fiance, fellow rapper Papoose, began screaming in a hallway outside the courtroom. “All you want is money!” he said, apparently referring to the victim.  “Lock me up! Lock me up!” he then shouted to court officers, who escorted him out of the courthouse (Music: Remy Ma).  The couple had planned to wed last weekend at the Rikers Island jail, where Smith has been incarcerated. Correction officials said they called off the wedding after Papoose showed up with a handcuff key.  Though many folks in rap community feel this was an injustice, as do I, the sad part about this, even more tragic than Ma’s sentence, is Papoose’s brilliant agenda.  Damn, how dumb can he possibly be?  How are you going to walk up in the courthouse with a weapon, pick the lock on those cuffs and sneak her out the door past an entire police force, metal detectors and every body’s posse?  That just wasn’t going to happne without a tussel.  But, you have to hand it to him.  That takes an ingenious stream of thinking and only a big-balling rapper would try that one.  The sad part is he’s now banned from Riker’s Island and will be unable to see Ma for a long time.  First Snoop, then Shyne, Tip, Prodigy, Pimp C, Lil Kim and now Remy Ma.  Keep your head up in the slam boo!  Do the time, don’t let the time do you.   

 9:34 pm

Hypocrite Bush Points Finger at Myanmar- Earlier today George W Bush condemned Myanmar for the way their military leaders are handling the devastating cyclone that hit the country a few days ago.  U.S. officials have complained that skilled aid workers are being forced to sit on the sidelines, waiting for permission from the government to enter, as victims of the cyclone die.  Bush feels the world ought to be angry and condemn the government of Myanmar.  Asked in a CBS News radio interview if the isolated generals running the country were more concerned about their own grip on power than with helping their own people, Bush answered, “That’s the only conclusion you can draw.  Here they are with a major catastrophe on their hands, and (they) do not allow there to be the full kind of might of a compassionate world to help them,” Bush said (Politics: Hypocrite Bush Points Finger).  Many US officials have also criticized the Myanmar military for such a hasty governmental response.  Defense Department spokesman Bryan Whitman said the plane that landed Monday carried water, mosquito nets and blankets and that Myanmar has given permission for two more C-130 flights.  The local government is taking possession of the goods and working to distribute them, Whitman said. He said the U.S. is still talking to the Myanmar juntaabout the possibility of U.S. distribution of aid in the country.  Ky Luu, the director of the U.S. office of foreign disaster assistance, said Myanmar’s allowing U.S. flights of aid is a good start, but the supplies represent only a small fraction of what the U.S. and others are prepared to give.  The White House said the United States was prepared to provide an additional $13 million in food and logistical assistance to the United Nations‘ world food programfor distribution to cyclone victims, bringing overall U.S. aid to $16.25 million.  Well that’s fine and dandy W.  It’s nice to know you’ve moved so quickly to help the folks in Myanmar out, but aren’t you a hypocrite Comrade?  Weren’t you the very same George W Bush who took his sweet time when the folks in Louisiana and Mississippi were hit by Katrina?  Aren’t you the same no-brained jackass who is offering billions of dollars in U.S. funding for overseas ventures when we have people in our own backyard who are losing their homes in the mortgage scandal?  What about the homeless folks who are penniless and college kids who won’t be getting financial aid this fall because you cut the education budget?  Don’t forget the recipients of Social Services funding who had their money cut or the Federal departments who had their budgets frozen.  You have a lot of nerve pointing the finger at Myanmar Georgie.  You need to get your head out of all those barrels of middle eastern oil and get back to reality pal.  The U.S. is in a financial tizzy right now because of you so if you’re going to point the finger at anyone, it should be at yourself.  Take a long look in the mirror, hold up your hands up palms down and stick up your middle fingers.  That should give you an idea of what most people worldwide think of you.  “George W Bush has not business being the president of anything.  We could do much better if we put a cheap suit and a pair of dentures on a blind jackass whose been put out to pasture.”- Hunter S. Thompson on George W Bush.

 5:30 pm

Ravens Brawl and Camp-  The Baltimore Ravens opened up the first camp of the year with more than just starting jobs on the line.  Nearly all 85 players in camp were involved in a skirmish Saturday that started when offensive tackle Oniel Cousins and defensive tackle Amon Gordon threw punches after running back Allen Patrick was stuck in the middle. All the players ran toward the middle of the field, and it was nearly two minutes before peace was restored.  “Guys are competing, so tempers flare a little bit,” Harbaugh said (Sports: Ravens Brawl).  Later that day defensive backs Corey Ivy and Frank Walker came to blows during a routine blocking drill.  After the players were separated, Chris McAlister and Samari Rolle spoke with Walker, who signed as a free agent during the off-season after playing with Green Bayin 2007.  For the first time in ten years the Ravens are conducting a mini-camp without former coach Brian Billick, who was fired in January.  Well folks, what did you expect from a team that features a 50 year old cripple as quarterback (Steve McNair) and a  hit-man (Ray Lewis) at line backer?  The Ravens have sucked since the first day Art Modell transplanted them in Baltimore and they probably won’t get much better with has-beens on the field this year.  They need to clean house and toss all the thugs out to Al Davis in Oakland.  We all know he recruits in the penal league and will take a convicted felon in a  heart beat.  Hopefully blue chipper Jim Harbaugh can bring them around and turn them into a respectable team. Here we go Steelers, here we go! 

 1:45 pm

Foxy Brown Pleads Out- Rap sensation Foxy Brown plead guilty to public menacing in a New York court yesterday and avoided jail based on time already served.  Brown, whose real name is Inga Marchand, was charged over a fight with neighbor Arlene Raymond last July.  “Apparently Brown was playing the radio in her car too loud when the two had words and scuffled,” according to court documents (Music: Fox Brown Pleads Out).  As part of the plea deal, the 28-year-old rapper wrote a letter apologizing to Raymond and presented the letter to Justice John Walsh in a Brooklyn court on Thursday. The judge extended Raymond’s order of protection just for good measure.  Brown spent 7 months in jail for a case involving a fight with a Manhattan manicurist.  You go Foxy.  Don’t be taking any lip from player haters girl, even if it means doing a 7 month stint in the county clink.  Hate the game, not the player ladies. 

NARCS Bust San Diego State- Undercover agents posing as college students busted more than 100 drug dealers at San Diego State University recently.  The federal agents went to one or two parties but never actually went to class or lived in the dorms. Instead, they merely arranged meetings with suspected dealers and asked about buying cocaine, Ecstasy, methamphetamine, marijuana and other drugs, authorities said Wednesday.  “All it took was saying, `Hey, I go to State, can you hook me up?’” said San Diego County prosecutorDamon Mosler. “And then it was off to the races”  (News: NARCS Bust San Diego State).  The day after the drug sweep landed members of three fraternities in jail and led to the suspension of six frats, investigators revealed how easy it was to penetrate the university’s drug culture.  Students who had gotten caught for fighting, drinking, minor drug offenses or other crimes quickly turned informants and used text messages to introduce their drug dealers to undercover agents. Dealers made hand offs in front of dorms, in parking lots or behind frat houses, sometimes in broad daylight in full view of surveillance cameras.  The NARCS involved were baffled by the laissez-faire attitude of the dealers who did little to ward off an arrest.  However, some of the busts were not small-time, including members of one fraternity who had a sophisticated distribution ring.  Well NARCS, are you really surprised to find college kids selling pot and cocaine, or is this the first time you’ve had nothing better to do than bust a bunch of students?  Drug use and sales are at an all time high in the US, most notably with grass and cocaine, so why not bother the Colombian or Mexican cartels?  Or, even better yet, why don’t you send some guys down to that hole in the fence in southern San Diego County?  There are plenty of illegal immigrants passing through that spot.  Let’s face it, if it weren’t for the college kids selling drugs, there wouldn’t be much of anything floating around.  People in the real world are too worried about getting busted by undercover NARCS. 

 10:57 pm

Pentagon Screws Troops- According to a report from the Pentagon today, Army troops will not be paid beyond June 15 unless Congress acts on an administrative request for more funding.  It was the latest argument in a long-running impasse between the Democratic-controlled Congress and the administration over a $108 billion dollar request to fund US military operations in Iraq and Afghanistan in the 2008 fiscal year.  The pay freeze would be eased if Congress authorized funds to be moved from other accounts to pay soldiers, but the Pentagon is pressing for approval of the full budget request.  “We run out of money in order to pay soldiers after June 15 unless the Congress acts to pass the supplemental or provide us with the reprogramming authorities to move money within accounts,” said Pentagon press secretary Geoff Morrell (Politics: Pentagon Screws Troops).  Robert Gates, US Defense Secretary, forwarded a request to Congress last week stating that hopes were high for a Memorial Day approval.  Of course Gates would put the blame on Congress.  He’s one of Little Georgie Bush’s toadies, and his heads up W’s ass too far to realize that Bush is to blame for this one.  W and his band of jackals just begged for some $900 billion in foreign food aid and he wants another $2 billion to redevelop a desert in the middle of Afghanistan.  Unfortunately Congress will have no choice but to say yes, but they should just tell Georgie to take the money out of his Swiss bank account.  He stole that much from us last year.

 9:40

Pizza  Pie in LeBrons’ Eye- Pizza maker Poppa John’s apologized for making t-shirts that ridiculed the Cleveland Cavaliers’ LeBron James.   According to the Cleveland Plain Dealer, Papa John’s printed t-shirts that featured the Papa John’s logo and had the word “Crybaby” and James’ No. 23 emblazoned on it.  “At Papa John’s, we’re huge fans of Cleveland, the Cavs and LeBron James,” the company said in a statement to the newspaper. “Everyone wins, and we wish the same for the Cavs and LeBron through the playoffs” (Sports: Pizza Pie).  The shirt was printed after Washington Wizards center Brendan Haywood mocked James, saying that he was crying and complaining about hard fouls in the Eastern Conference first-round series, won by the Cavaliers in six games.  To make up for hurting James’ feelings  the company will sell customers in its Cleveland-area restaurants a large one-topping pie for 23 cents, the report said.  The report also said Papa John’s will donate those 23 cents from every pizza - plus $10,000 - to the Cavaliers Youth Fund.  Fans at the Verizon Center all wore the shirts during the Wizards’ 105-88 loss in Game Six on Friday.  Blocking out the mockery, James scored 27 points, 13 rebounds and 13 assists for the Cavaliers in that contest. Papa John’s didn’t want to alienate the cry baby James, who is one of the NBA’s biggest stars and one of its most marketable faces.  Aw, too bad.  Somebody hurt poor LeBron’s delicate feelings.  Wise up man, and grow some balls for Christopher’s sake.  Your supposed to be the next big superstar in the NBA so why don’t you quit crying and focus on choking in the playoffs, again.  You’ve been compared to Michael Jordan but you’re acting like Michael Jackson.  Get some tissue from Tito and shut your pizza pie hole pal.