The Daily Habit: News
5 Questions for the ASShole in Charge of AIG- As of now, just about every American is walking around and sratching their heads in disbelief of the current economic situation. It’s like the collapse of the economic infrastructure flickers in and out of our collective consciousness 100 times a day, kind of like an acid flashback reminiscent of our youth, only this one is ain’t shits and giggles. The idiots over at GM and Chrysler are begging for a chance to have their inferior products brought back to life like some sort of cartoon Jesus at a Lazarus theme party. Citicorp also came along looking for a handout like a bum outside of a trendy eatery, after they raped the shareholders of bilions. But nobody screwed American tax payers like those SOBs at AIG. After getting an ass-chewing from the Obama adminstration for blowing through money like booze through a wino, they turned around and rewarded their exectives $165 for utter failure, on our dime. But it ain’t over just yet. Later today CEO Edward Liddy will step into the public maelstrom to explain to Congreass how badly he f!$ked up. Here are five questions Liddy will likely face(http://news.yahoo.com/s/politico/20090318/pl_politico/20157).
1. Can AIG survive without additional government money? Hell no. We blew the first round of freebies on hookers and booze. We’ll be needed another $billion next week.
2. What did Geithner know and when did he know it? He knew about it from day one. He’s one of the inside toadies who got a bonus, but it was paid in small bills. Sorry about the ones Timmy. They’ll come in handy at Hooters though.
3. Can’t AIG do anything to pay back the taxpayers? Ha, ha, ha. Are you serious? Next question.
4. Are you sure you really want this job? Not really. I have plenty of bailout money stashed in Switzerland. Good think I didn’t give any to Bernie Madof though. Then I’d really be screwed.
5. Was Goldman Sachs treated any differently in the AIG bailout than any other investment bank? Sure. They got a shitload more than I, er we did. Hank Paulson was in on the deal, and he was Treasury Secretary at the time, so he made out like a bandit. Damn him!
Luckily, there’s enough data out there to merit another serious question: Did AIG try to keep hidden its clients who benefited from the taxpayer bailout, companies that bought AIG’s insurance for their exotic investments? Sure they did, and they were paid nicely for it. But, the jig is up folks. Just about everyone involved in the bailout scandal is a walking target for some fruitcake bent on revenge. So, Eddie, you better take some of that stolen public money and buy a bullet proof vest and an armor-plated car really soon, or you’re going to be shot a few hundred times then thrown in the Potomac River.
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